A Collection of My POEMS.
Rhyming to sanity...
Sometimes, in the moments of our deepest pain come our greatest expressions of creativity. Mark Twain wrote his seminal “Huckleberry Finn” in the midst of deep anguish, and Sylvia Plath was suicidal all throughout her short but impactful poetry career. The story is largely the same for me. The years 2016-2019 were very difficult for me. I was in the midst of a long, deep spout of depression. During this time, I took to writing as a mechanism for coping with my struggles. The following list consists of some of the poetry I wrote during a trip in the Balkans during the summer of 2019.
I. RELIGIOUS POEMS
[a] A Christian’s Reflection
You used to be a sinner in the crowd
But you're a believer now
All mighty and proud
Your heart is open and pure
Then temptation comes
With pride as the lure
Sin strikes, and the voices get loud
You fall to your knees
Eyes closed and head bowed
You devote your life
And now are endowed
Everything you knew
And everything you doubted
Fell to pieces
You exclaimed
"Glory to thee
For my deliverance"
"Thank you lord
For your omnipotence"
Your Chains have broken
You’re a new person now
And so you pretend
Pretend to be content
Repeating to yourself
The words of a hymn
The clock goes round
And you learn to bend
Soon, you will break
You're a sinner once again
You have broken his laws
You have broken his heart
You’ve destroyed your joy
And you’ve lost your spark
Like Noah had
When he left his ark
You go to your knees
Like right at the start
And the cycle renews itself as if It never did end
Because it didn’t
You're just a part
[b] Hello to God
A greeting to god
A question of sorts
We’ve done this many times
Well, at least I believe
You’ve spoken through my knowledge
A memory I’d retrieve
These memories seemed vague
But somehow divine
As if you’ve been saying this the whole time
Is this what you’ve done
Is this how you speak
By me reciting a verse I learn every week
It doesn’t make sense
It cannot be true
Have I become the thing I promised to rue
The doubter in the room
A denier of gospel
Am I the reason I have become so hostile
A peddler of fact and not of belief
A sinful man like a burglar and thief
I expect this prayer to go unanswered
But I will continue
and do this again and again
Because even after all this
I still call you my friend
[c] A Broken Cross
What shame is there
What guilt should there be
I am but a victim of my own humanity
You foresaw this before the creation
And so continued
Even though you knew the exact details of this whole situation
Sinners from birth
Disgusting and poor
Begging for forgiveness
At the church’s door
Yet continued you did
Created this whole incidence
And forced me to believe
That this life is just a coincidence
[d] White Lies
"You’re healed, my brother,”
You lied to me again, I thought
Sitting on a church stool,
A glimmer in the yellow, red, and green tainted glass
Listening to the Choir singing just like a rooster crows every morning
Hands in the air, the praise unceasing
Remaining still, still as a statue, my heart beating
Preaching on the pupil present on the stage,
The pastor makes a gentle gesture as he flips the page
He said, “Stand if something is weighing on your heart”
Knees shaking and eyes weak, I slowly and lethargically rose to my feet
He said, “Do you know the meaning of this verse?”
Well, of course, I did; it’s something I’d rehearsed
God is good, and God is great and committing
A Sin was our greatest mistake
"No!" he said
God is good, and God is great, and we must sacrifice our lives for his name’s sake
"False!" a third man cried
God is good, yes, and he lifts our weight; we are to wait for the kingdom he is to make
The man cried, “A Wolf in sheep’s clothing!”
Maybe
Or perhaps a sheep in wolf’s clothing
Innocent and empathetic as the rest
Just misled by his own rationality
II. PHILOSOPHICAL POEMS
[a] Summer Days Gone
It’s the end of the summer
And the beginning of fall
Standing by a tree
It’s stature mighty and tall
As I ponder life’s significance
So tiny and small
Sometimes, thinking less is better
Life gets bleak when you understand it all
[b] The Falling Leaf
My life is destroyed
My destiny ruined
Anxiety strikes
And fear quakes
My earth begins to shake
I am not worth enough to be in society
These thoughts they crowd
There is no escape
But then I look up and see what I do
Do the leaves panic in the spring
When there are so little and few
Peace in anxiety and peace in your pain
They are all but simple hormones in the brain
[c] Your Not Insane
You only live once is not true at all
You live once in the spring
And again in the fall
You die in the day
You live in the night
The stress of the day clouds all your sight
Release the chain and release the weight
And for once, choose your own fate
You live when you own your own thoughts
And crowd your own brain
So, live a little more
You’re not insane
III. PERSONAL POEMS
[a] A Message Through Time
Hello to me
I want you to know that one day, you’ll be free
Free from yourself
And free from the lies
The things you will learn to
Soon despise
From a time of Loneliness
To the ocean's bliss
I wish I could find out where you are
So you could at least know
I made it this far
[b] The Transcendentalists Mumblings
If I was stranded on an island today,
I would sit down and ponder the peculiar motivations I had when I operated in
society.
If I was stranded on an island today,
I would sit down and ponder why I always craved human interaction so much.
If I was stranded on an island today,
I would stand up and ask whether I was stranded at all
Or too convinced that a threshold of human interaction is necessary to not be stranded,
when in reality being alone can give more purpose than being in society ever could
[c] The Mind of the Innocent
When the dust settles
And the smoke flies
A little mind wonders
What rests beyond the skies
Beyond this earth
That we so passionately plunder
And what does the moon do after its long night slumber
[d] Stop, I Love You
You’ve never done anything for me
Nothing of significance at all
But I have always looked out for you
On the big occasions and sometimes the small
It hurts me when you tell I’m not living my life right
Cause all I do every day
Is try to turn back nature’s bight
It’s disease, the thing that’s been plaguing me my whole life
See, the truth is there’s no difference between an emergency for you and my status quo
Constantly swinging from high to low
And sometimes I feel like I’m just a passenger
Trying to hold onto to a train that’s reaching the end of its tracks
It’s last stop
And I assure you I’ve put every blood, sweat, and tear into this
Until the last drop
And somehow you can tell me that I’m the reason I have this problem
I wish I could say that
Because that would mean I can be fixed
But I can’t be
Because the problem is inside of me
Nature gave me this from birth
And I was supposed to die, you see
I’m not dead, though
Lucky... I guess
So stop blaming me for this mess
Because every time you do, all it gives me is more stress
I’m gonna end this by saying I love you
And God bless
[e] Sandy Beaches
In this place, there is Water that crashes against the sand
Wave by wave, each subtly touching the land
These waves continue and never cease
These are the places where we can find peace
[f] Uhhhh Like Like
I feel sometimes that my tongue moves slow
My mind rushes quickly from thought to thought
Never stopping my pondering for a second
Over evaluating and premeditating the idea, I am to utter
But when my time comes, it’s as if I’m speaking in words I don’t know
They don’t go together
They don’t flow
I would leave the conversation
I would go
I would escape
Runaway from my last mistake
But I can’t
I won’t
Because that’s not the way life goes
I can’t leave because it’s my time
To put on a show
I have places to be and people to impress
So, these desires to run
I must deeply suppress
IV. STORY POEMS
[a] Reality
Release me world
Let go of your tight grip
I’m flying high in the sky
I take another sip
[b] A mistake
The ring is put on
A shiny luster covers her face
If she knew how it would end up
She never would’ve said yes to such a disgrace
[c] A Misfire
Blood drips
Alcohol sips
Sitting On the table
An opened box of holo tips
Still on the floor
But I love you
Imprinted on her lips
[d] Terror in the night
Devastated
Brain relocated
Panic
Fright
Terror in the night
A tear is shed
Dropping slowly to the bed
The body of a person with no control
Lost her joy and lost her soul
Trauma of another level
Assaulted
Leaving nothing but hevel
[e] First responders
Sirens roar
Slight movement
A body bleeding on the floor
The ones who respond first
Vehemently banging at the door
All that could be found was a note
"I will leave this life
And become more"
[f] The Rain Wipes All Our Tears Away
The rain wipes all our tears away
The doors of dumpsters are blown open
By the subtle gusts of wind in the dense streets
It’s late
And nothing can be heard but the ambient noise of sirens in the background
And the scuffling of tiny footsteps
One by one, the footsteps plop in the puddles being created by the perilous drizzle
The alleyway seems continuous, stretching as far as the eye can see
A child lies in this alleyway
Lonely on the ground, the child cries as
streams of water drip from the sides of his youthful cheeks
Each meeting the ground in a timely fashion
No one knows why he cries
No one understands his torment
But all know that in the morning
The tears will drain with all the rest
Putting the sadness behind them to rest
V. POLITICAL POEMS
[a] A Death of a Dream
America is free.
Oh yes, it is indeed,
Capitalism has allowed every man to pursue success,
A dream that can surely be achieved
America is free.
At least more than others,
Those who work there hardest,
Can please the wishes of their fathers and mothers
America is free or so I’ve been told,
Men sacrifice their lives to labor,
In pursuit of being liberated when they are old
America is free.
Oh, how has that statement taken a fall,
A person can work their whole life in this country,
And achieve nothing at all
[b] Flame Burning Out
You worked with fire
No rest and never tire
All in your desire
To find another buyer
The economy collapses
Now, what is left of your empire?